I do emeregere dal fondo per lottare e poi
salire in alto più che mai
I do guardare nel futuro e sorridere
con una nuova identità
fino a quando il sole sorgerà…
Think back and replay your year; if it doesn’t bring you tears of either joy or sadness, consider it wasted.
– Ally McBeal (via julie911) Via oh no, i'm in my 30sNew Year…
The year that was…2011.
It had it’s ups and downs. To sum it up, I found a new place where I can excel and be productive. Made new friends, and found meaning to my existence. Regardless of the short time we spent, I’ve learned that I can never be alone, for my friends are willing to kick me out of the gutter to stand up again. I learned how it is to accept, to maintain my patience, and practice not to care for things that I don’t have control with…
I am thankful to my new and existing friends who..stayed with me through ups and downs, and help me survived regardless of my stubborness, ego, eccentricity and pride. They took me as I am, and will be forever grateful to them for being there when I needed help.
I’ve learned a lot, enough for me to plan pulling myself out from my ignorance, and be the kick ass person that I should be. I’m not gonna rot and just be another gutless person. I’ll be better than what I was, and rest assured that I will do my best to avoid committing the same mistakes that sent me back at the edge of sanity. I had enough troubles for a lifetime. I know I can’t avoid them, so best for me to do is to lessen the occurence of accessing stupidity to live another day.
Though there are instances that made major blows to my already “trying-to-be-stable” state, pain and loneliness doesn’t have a place in my burning desire…to live life and face what it offers and be the person I used to be.
2012 is a empty, black canvas, waiting for me to paint meaning of my own…
I’m glad I survived this long to welcome another year. :D
Girl-in-a-chat-window…
To you….
My dear friend…
Who I share my thoughts with…
Who I am willing to be bashed and turn into pulp, who’s brutally honest with me and cares enough to get in touch with me everyday…
Nothing changed…
I can’t be there…win that struggle you have
I’m just a window away…
I’ll be waiting…
I promise…
TAFT STATION
Tanya Markova, Giniling Festival, Stonefree, Soapdish, Above Zero, Wika, Heavy Heavies, Hatankaru, AJKA, Soundvent, Eevee, Letter Day Story, Kaligta, Kilos, Circa, Not So Fast, Philia, and Ciudad Tribu — Rocking vs Hunger.
CUBAO STATION
Noel Cabangon, Paramita, Hijo, Hilera, Turbo Goth, Camerawalls, FMD, Top Junk, Chongkeys, Ganhava, Alex in Wonderland, Miko Pepito, Faintlights, Allecia, Nityalila, OG Sacred, Midsummer, LTNS, and Toyo. Presented by Dakila — Rocking for Global Trade and Development.
SHAW STATION
Paolo Santos, Silent Sanctuary, Peryodiko, Duster, Kala, Gracenote, Kai Honasan, and Playphonics — Rocking for Education.
AYALA STATION
Radioactive Sago Project, UpDharmaDownm Encounters With A Yeti, Musical O, Sleepwalk Circus, Hidden Nikki, The Charmes, Not Another Boy Band, Dr.Strangeluv, and Akasha. Presented by Terno Recordings — Rocking for the Environment.
BONI STATION
Flippin’ Soul Stompers, Collie Herb, Good Leaf, Tarsius, The Go Signals, Fingertrap, Jeepney Joyride, The Strangeness, Nanay Mo, Tirso Cruise Three, FilterKeen, Kevin’s Express, and Big Band Groove — Rocking for Gender Equality.
BUENDIA STATION
Intolerant, Reklamo, Bad Burn, Odat, Trapeze, Penguin, Pull It Surprise, Sirens, Save Me Hollywood, Jejaview, Htachbanko, Around the Metro, Lady Ransom, Jensen Gomez, Archievals, Harlequin Carnival, and Sleep — Rocking vs HIV/AIDS, Malaria, and Preventable Diseases.
QUEZON AVE STATION
CinemAlexis Film Showing — Rocking for Maternal Health.
NORTH AVE STATION
Mayonnaise, Tonight We Sleep, Hansom, Subscapular, Sirens, Chris Cantanda, Shoulder State, Lights in Transit, Arcadia, PileDriver, Wilderness, and Twin Lobster. Presented by Mary Moon Productions — Rocking for Children’s Health.
* * *
Choose a station, watch a gig, take a stand, rock and roll. It’s Rock Ed Philippines’ seventh annual Rock the Riles, a massive celebration of International Human Rights Day!
“And if you’re smart enough, you learn from your mistakes. You figure it out. You… you think. You realize that life isn’t some elaborate stage play with directions for the actors. Life’s a mess, It’s… it’s chaos personified.”
-I am watching the movie when I accidentally stumbled on these lines =))
(Source: robertrg1)
Via oh no, i'm in my 30sDay 30
It’s been 1 month now…
And I’ll go to that place to remember…
With or without you…
I’ve been dying that day since then…
There is no stopping pain…
I can never be enough…
Affection and Pleasure won’t compensate…
He might have came first, been there to be
with you remotely, but is it enough to throw
what we shared…
Knowledge of everything is a curse…kasi
may kasama syang responsibility and
burden…
I might have been a bad person in your eyes
due to circumstance, am I not entitled to
redeem myself?..
Is he a better person, or someone can give
you a brighter future?..
I don’t know where I stand now, I can’t be
your friend yet, because you know I’ll
hunger for your hugs and kisses…
I dunno what to say anymore.
We need time to be away from each other….
I am really sorry for hurting you…
I’m not making you happy anymore, I’m just adding up to the pain that I wish I can take away…
Wala naman akong karapatan para gawin yun…
I don’t have a reason to stay in your life as of the moment…
I just hope he’ll love you more than I can..
Because honestly, I don’t think he, or
anybody else feels the way I do about you
now…
Play Yiruma’s Do You on your end and think about the things below…
Do you…
Do you think what you are doing is the right thing to do?
Sacrificing everything we had in the process…
I don’t know what to say…
I’m just gonna go to silence…
and survive one way or the other…
Lunes
Habang pinatututog ko ang mga kanta na humubog sa pagkatao ko, napagtanto ko na hindi ko na pala kayang makipagkaibigan sayo, nadududurog ako sa selos at naisip ko, wala din palang kwentang makipagkaibigan sa taong sumira ng tiwala ko, tinalikuran ako, at wala sa panahong kailangan ko.
Napakaswerte nya dahil hindi nya mararamdaman lahat ng narararamdaman ko ngayon. Nawa’y maging masaya kayo.
I can’t hold on to someone who doesn’t value me.
Farewell~
Random thoughts…
If I could just connect my heart and brain to the USB ports of a darn PC, so that the PC can process it and translate it better >.< - 021010
A couple of months passed by:
If I could just connect my heart and brain to the USB ports of a darn PC, so that the PC can STORE ITS UNUSABLE CONTENTS AND NOT TO DWELL ON STUPIDITY, DISBELIEF AND PESSIMISM THAT CLOUDS REASON - 111311
Dark, Twisted…and far from Redemption….
The net is vast and infinite and it kept me busy for quite some time now. It’s been a while since I last visited this side of the net. I’d been busy with my new environment. I’ve been thinking of writing again for some time now. I kept on using my work as a cover for my failure to do so. Now that I have the time to think about things that revolves around me, I assume I’m gonna be around to pour thoughts in this side of the web that my mind can’t accommodate.
What happened for the past 9 months? I got myself a job after I resigned with the previous one. I was a bum for a month…Watching video-streamed movies, playing LAN games, eating like there’s no tomorrow were the norms of my 1 month vacancy. I went totally off-the-grid, left the life that I am comfortable with, and went back to enjoy the simplicity of life. I gave time to think about the mistakes I made in the past couple of years, swearing not to do them again, and now failing to commit to those self-made promises. Not to trust my heart to someone easily….
I have to be off-the-grid again…
—-
11.10.11
I woke up early, around 6 am. This is the last day of my 7 day vacation from the office. I wish I could extend it a little longer…but I can’t. I have to get back to work, because If I don’t, it’s gonna be difficult for me to catch up with the never-ending changes in the office.
I woke up with the though of letting go to what I dreamed of. I gave my heart recently to someone, though somewhat, I guess it’s not meant to be. She wants what the future hold for us, but she doesn’t wanna trust her present with me..
Christ, how did I ever got this screwed-up?
My mind demanding me to answer the question. I am aware of the answer, but even that was not a full explanation. I have known different parts of the whole story, but somehow, the story didn’t come along. I can’t give an exact account of what had happened, though what happened left separate fragments of what had once been already-fragile, tough, decisive, and smart man to blunder about in confusion —- and despair? What a happy thought…
Everything became memory. I remembered all the things I survived, and got amazed that I done so, and perhaps the worst torment of is that I don’t understand what had gone wrong, and doing the same thing again… Sure I’m aware of what happened, but those things were already beyond my control..leading to a searing pain hard to shut down, and somehow, my reasoning and understanding got lost, leaving myself alive, confused and without purpose. I’m floating on the vast domain of nothingness, living as a wanderer unsure where fate is leading him to.
Emotion and reason are two pain-in-the-ass things that can ruin your humanity…which I learned the hard way. Every time they clashes, Reason lost decisively. The time when I enclosed the moment with her, the strong “there’s nothing to be afraid of” and “we will survive this” wins every obstacle. It is so easy to accept Emotions and forget how cruel the real world can get. Perhaps, it was Loneliness, clouding Reason enough for it not to exist.
So here I am again, I hope the vast infinity of the net accommodates yet another wanderer in it’s ranks. I guess this is where my romanticism ends, since it only caused me disaster. All the mess it caused are all in the back-burner now…I guess it’s back to ABC’s again.
-ced
About me
Alone, Broken, Cynical... The ABC's of my life.
I haven't read that much newspaper as well, I just rely too much on the net.
I have a bunch of friends but I can't really recall all of them, most of them are from my college days and my online escapades.
My brain works best when I am able to really get passionate about something.
I like to feel connected to whatever project Im working on. I crave meaning.
I work to bring people together, and as I think about it, I always thinking of a way to compromise.
I believe that the only way to get things done is to have everyone in harmony, which is sometimes hard to accomplish, I just always tell myself that I am just following my truth, my resolve...
Learning to breath and sleep at night...
I can talk and mixed up with anyone as long as hindi ka "asa", "angas" at "maasim" hehehe....
